Despite my grumpiness at work, though, I am so so so much happier this week than the previous months have been. I am finally keeping down all my food, and am feeling way more energy and just feeling more like ME. I'm starting to show, which is pretty nifty. I've actually been asked by a stranger if I'm pregnant (which was dangerous. But I'm glad she asked...) so that was my official confirmation that it actually looks like a baby bump! Nugget is lime sized right now and has reflexes and is squirming--but of course I can't feel it yet. Only 6 more weeks til our sonogram!! For now though, I am out of words and I am off to eat 12 freezy pops. So long :)
Monday, June 29, 2009
So....12 weeks is way more fun than all the other weeks. I'm *almost* like a real person again. I say *almost* because pregnancy makes me sort of mean and grouchy. Must be something with all the hormones. Also, it's mostly when I'm at work and people are driving me nuts (by doing completely normal things, mind you. It just irritates me more than usual.) Sometimes I don't even realize it. Yesterday, one of my employees went to the bathroom, but I didn't know where he went. After 10 minutes (yeah. it was a #2 break, apparently) I asked my assistant if he knew where said employee had gone. He very innocently asked, "Did you ask him to go do something?" The beast within me rose up and snarled, "If I had ASKED him to do something, don't you think I might KNOW where he was and not be asking YOU about it? I'm NOT retarded, ok??" I also may have freaked out one morning about a misplaced broom. I don't think anyone knows quite what to do with me.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I don't tend to have great taste in music. Basically, if it's popular and on the radio, I've heard it. That's about where it ends. I also have a deep appreciation for teen girl pop stars. The first one was Hilary Duff...it has progressed into the likes of Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift. One pop star, however, drives me NUTS: Miley Cyrus. Like for real, this girl is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. So the fact that she sings a song I LOOOVVVVEEE is sort of throwing me off a bit. I wish someone, anyone else had recorded it so that I could hear it without listening to her "singing." But in any case...I love "The Climb."
When I was in college, I HATED being in school. At first I was homesick, then got dumped and was heartbroken, then I remembered how much I hate classes and homework. All around, not the greatest years of my life. During this time, my dear friend Joy said something I have never forgotten. You can live your life as a series of "Point A to Point B situations"...or, you can slow down and enjoy the journey to wherever you are headed. Not that we should have goals, and dreams, and be working toward those...but if life is nothing more than a series of countdowns, are we really living? This convicted me so much, because it's something I do on SUCH a regular basis. Sometimes it's little ways--"Only 6 more hours of work. Only 4 more hours of work. Only ten more minutes of work." Sometimes it's a little bigger--"Only 2 1/2 more weeks til our summer break!" And sometimes it's even bigger--"Only 29 more weeks til we meet this baby!" I'm a huge fan of countdowns. Love 'em. But sometimes, I think I'm too caught up in the countdowns to enjoy the moments.
I was thinking about this today after our doctors appointment where we heard Nugget's heartbeat for the first time. I was realizing how very REAL it is that there is a little person that I helped make growing inside me. And I still don't like being pregnant, even though I'm starting to feel a little better. But I want to cherish it. I don't want to waste the next 29 weeks counting down and missing the time NOW that I have with this baby. I have already learned that in pregnancy and in life, there are no guarantees. Most pregnancies at this stage go on to full term, healthy babies. But this is NOT something that I can count on. I have no assurance of the number of days I have to enjoy the little heart beating away inside of me. Cuz....
There's always gonna be another mountain/I'm always gonna wanna make it move/Always gonna be an uphill battle/And sometimes I'm gonna have to lose/It ain't about how fast I get there/It ain't about what's waitin' on the other side/It's the climb
So here's to a healthy baby, and a climb that's worth savoring. Gonna be a crazy adventure.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I've gone to update this thing a buncha times, but haven't, because I'm a little whiney during this particular phase of my life. And I realize that I shouldn't be. Having had the miscarriage, I will be the first one to jump up and tell you that I'm thankful for the symptoms of pregnancy, as I love knowing Nugget is growing and is healthy in there. I'm also aware that infertility is a huge issue right now, and I'm truly thankful for the opportunity to carry and grow a life. I really am. It's a wonderful thing, and I love knowing that I'm carrying something that Geoff and I made. It's truly a gift. All that being said....
I do not enjoy being pregnant.
I feel like the worst mom EVER by saying that, since I feel like I should be writing a post about how special this time is, or how wonderful it is, or something pleasant about it. And it is special and wonderful and amazing--in theory. I love the IDEA of growing my child and I am growing more excited by the second about meeting this little person. I am thrilled beyond belief to be becoming a mother. But I'm very, very tired of puking several times a day, and being exhausted, and being grumpy, and not fitting in any clothes made in the US (too big for normal clothes, too small for maternity clothes...) and crying for no reason, and forgetting all the words that I used to know (this weeks examples of words I have forgotten: paper clip, cilantro, and turkey.)
I can't wait to be in 2nd trimester when hopefully things will get much better and I'll be a little bit back to my usual self. We're at 10 weeks now, and Nugget has grown to about the size of a kumquat. Super cute. Next week we will get to hear his heartbeat, hurrah! I can't wait. My mom has already begun yard-saling for the little one and I'm super excited to start picking out fun baby stuff. We decided that we're staying in our apartment until next July, so we're going to have to be creative with our space and where we're putting all this baby stuff. I'm actually very excited we're not moving, since the idea of packing and moving while I'm so sick...plus, I LOVE my apartment and its amazing green wall and front door and all the little things. And the baby will only be 6 months old when our lease is up, so I figure it would have been sharing a room with us for a lot of that time anyways. It won't be bad at all. We're getting very excited to open our lives to this change!
Well, I've been sicker than usual today, so Ima go to bed before I get up for work tomorrow. Happy Monday :)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
That title might be slightly misleading. I am mainly writing about one carnivore. And...that is me. Horror of all horrors, that is correct. I've broken a 4 year dedication to being red-meat free. What did I break it with? A big, juicy steak? A burger, piled high with all the fixins? Nope. Dear friends, I ate boloney and hot dogs. AH! (Today at work, it was decided my baby is certainly a boy, since all he wants me to eat is gross meat...and also he's affecting my bodily sounds and smells in a very adverse way. Also, it's my blog, and I can say stuff like that if I want!) It was all delicious though. It's quite fun to be eating food AND keeping it down. I need to gain about 2 more pounds to get back up to my pregnancy starting weight, and that should only take about 2 more days at the rate I'm going.
Work is nuts this week. Tomorrow, the Regional VP of 'Bux is coming to my store to check us out...gah! So nervewracking. I haven't had too many of these big visits since getting promoted to manager, and I still get really nervous each time. There's tons of pressure and nitpicking and butt kissing...sigh. Luckily, I made a cheesecake to pair with some coffee for a delicious tasting, and if it tastes as good as it looks, I'm going to be earning some brownie points!
Also, I'm attempting to be a better wife this week. With being so sick, I took a brief hiatus from all the duties of our house--granted, we split the duties since we're both working a lot, but I try to do the majority just because I'm a big fan of the whole wife-taking-care-of-the-hubby thing. Geoff has been amazing in my lack of accomplishment. He's done laundry, dishes...all sorts of stuff to make me a happy wife. He's takin such good care of me! Tonight, though, he's coming home to a (turkey) meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans. MMM. And, he's going to be home any minute, so off I go.