The One With a Sam Update

Sam turned 4 months old last week. Sometimes people hear that and say, "FOUR MONTHS?? Wow! That just flew by, didn't it?" Usually I smile and nod. Sometimes I give the obligatory response "Yup! He's just growing so fast!" What I'm saying in my head is, "Really? That's interesting, because actually, this has been the longest 4 months of my whole entire life." Being a mom is hard. And exhausting. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...but flying by? Nope.

His appointment went fabulously though. Basically we went in expecting to hear that all of his development was on a 3-month level. Premature babies usually develop according to their gestational age, not their actual age, so Sam would be totally fine if he were developing 5 weeks behind. We were excited though, because while his motor skills are right on a 3 month level, his cognitive skills have caught up to a 4 month old! He looks wonderful and healthy and has gained a good amount of weight--up to the 35th% percentile! We're really proud of him. Right now his favorite things are cooing, smiling, and sitting back on the couch while someone talks to him. He is starting to enjoy bathtime more and more and we've established a good nighttime routine. Bedtime is 7pm and he is sleeping about a 9 hour stretch every night before eating once and going back down until 7a. He is a really high maintenance baby and usually isn't happy unless he's being held, although he is getting used to sitting in his exercauser for a few minutes at a time. He rolled over for the first time a few weeks ago from front to back, but he can't roll himself back yet, so sometimes he gets himself stuck! All in all, we're having more fun as each day goes by and we enjoy seeing his little personality emerge more and more. So far, I'd describe him as difficult, stubborn, and hilarious--which surprisingly enough were exactly the characteristics he had in the womb!

Being parents has been challenging and wonderful. It's made Geoff and I communicate more and differently than we ever had to before, and we've gotten to show each other support and love in more tangible ways than ever before. Geoff has been an amazing and hands-on dad. He does almost all the night feedings and is home by himself with Sam at least one day a week plus about 4 mornings a week. Sam loves to talk and babble to us, which is the best part about coming home from a long day. Sometimes balancing our jobs, the house, each other, and Sam is a lot, but his little smile makes every day worth it, and we've been so lucky to have so much support from family and friends. I'm really looking forward to the journey continuing!

The One With the Letter

So, working full time and being a mom and having a new house is making blogging harder than I expected. I'm tryin, but it's just not happening. In any case, just thought I'd share this with you all. We had Sam's dedication at church a few Sundays ago, and we wrote him this letter. We will give it to him whenever he becomes a Christian, and it's a few of our prayers for him. Enjoy :)

Dear Sam,

Today you came to know the Lord as your personal savior. We are so proud of you and so excited for you as you embark on this journey to know God more personally. You are such a blessing to us and we could not be more proud of what a great young man you have become.

On December 9^th you changed our lives forever. During the time we waited to meet you, we imagined the person you would be. When the time finally came, you made a dramatic entrance, and our lives would never be the same. You came into this world just a tiny bundle of joy, and while you’ve experienced few milestones as we sit to write this letter, we are already thrilled with each thing you learn. Right now, we track your growth by ounces and inches—but we hope that you always know our deepest hopes for you are about the growth of your heart.

We pray that you will be a man of compassion—that you will look for those in need and reach out to help them. We pray you will have integrity—that in a world where the right thing is often the hard thing, you will have courage to make good choices, even when no one is looking. We pray for a heart of peace—that you will not be overwhelmed by challenges you face, but rest in the One who is holding you. We pray that you will be a good steward, and wisely use the gifts and talents that God has blessed you with. We pray for wisdom—that you will earnestly seek the will of God in your life and make your decisions thoughtfully.

Sometimes it is sad to think that you will have to grow up in a broken world. We know that in your life, you will face sadness, loss, grief, and pain. We cannot, as hard as we may try, protect you from these things. But we hope that you wake up every morning knowing that you are deeply loved—loved by your family, and loved by God. Our love isn’t perfect, and we know that we will fail you. But our greatest prayer is that we are constantly pointing you to the One who will never fail you, and the One who knew you before we even got to meet you. We are so thankful that you have chosen to make Him a part of your life and give your heart to Him. We love you more than we will ever be able to tell you, and we are so proud to call you our son.

Love, Dad and Mom

The One With a Weekend Thought on Motherhood

I love my mom, a lot. She's really an amazing lady. She is generous, kind, funny, hardworking, and a lot of other things that I hope I picked up a little bit of from her (she's also slightly OCD and a clean freak--which, unfortunately and MUCH to her dismay, I did not inherit at all.) But mostly, she loves me. A lot. Not in a "my child can do no wrong" sort of way (my mom is also very honest!) but in a, "you're mine, so never forget how special you are" kind of way. When I was growing up, it was just me and her for the most part, and I never felt like I was missing out (luckily, I did get to see my dad on weekends, so I still had the father figure. Not saying he was absent. Just that the majority of my life growing up was the 2 of us.) My mom worked a full time job--I have no idea what hours she worked. The reason for this is that I have absolutely no recollection of her ever being gone. I cannot recall a single soccer game, tee-ball game, softball game, gymnastics practice, school concert, school field trip, or any other significant event that she wasn't there for. I don't remember ever remember going to bed being tucked in by anyone besides my mom. I remember playing Barbies on the floor (actually playing together. Not me playing and her watching.) I remember sitting in the sandbox together. I remember playing with my dollhouse, singing our Steve Green bible verse songs, dancing to Wee Wing videos, having popcorn with Full House, back when it was a new and exciting show. I remember a home cooked meal nearly every night, and I remember having fish, hamsters, and kittens all during my growing up years. I'm sure there were things she had to miss; I know there were lots of friends and family who pitched in and made my life a wonderful thing. I know that I always had the same clothes all my friends did (and that I was proud my mom knew how to find the same clothes at yard sales instead of department stores!) and I never missed an after school event, summer camp, or youth group trip no matter what the cost was. I didn't notice then that my mom never bought herself new clothes. I probably didn't pay attention to all the things I had, and all the things she did without--probably because she has never brought attention to them. She has never grumbled about the sacrifice it was to put me through an expensive private school because she wanted me to have the best education possible. She's never once reminded me, or even mentioned a single time, the hard times she must have had as a single mother. Rather, she has told me every single day for my entire existence, how loved I am.

My mom told me once that one of the trademarks of people who are truly happy is that every truly happy person knows that they are someone's favorite. The morning of my wedding, she told me I should be the happiest person in the world, because all my life I had been her favorite, and now I was someone else's as well. And how right she is. I never even thought I'd understand how much my mom loves me. But the closer I get to meeting this sweet baby boy thats growing inside me, the more it inspires me to love this child with everything I have.

This week when I was on vacation, I thought I might have a lot of those "this is the last time I'll get to do ::fill in the blank:: before Sam comes!" since it was most likely my last trip without a baby in tow for awhile. Instead, I found myself anxiously awaiting his arrival so I can show him the world. A seagull walked up to my chair and I thought "Wow, Sam would LOVE if a bird came this close to him!" We walked the boardwalk and I thought "Look at that boy playing the arcade games! In a few years, I will get to play them with Sam!" When I was wiggling my toes in the sand I thought, "I wonder what Sam will think of the sand? I guess he will eat it..." Everything I experience now I want to share with him, and I get more excited by the day to meet him and love him in person.

I thought the other day "Man, I should try to think of SOMETHING besides pregnancy to write about on my blog or facebook" but then I realized--for 24 years, my mom has been my mom. I wonder how many times she's been referred to as "Ashley's Mom" instead of by her name. And it makes me smile to think that now, I am "Sam's Mom." My husband is "Sam's Dad." We are beginning a whole new phase of life, and I am thrilled to have been loved so well so that I can pass that onto my son.

And maybe somewhere along the way I'll pick up a little of the cleaning skills, too :)

(For more Weekend Thoughts, check out Life at the Circus)

Turkey and More!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Wards had a wonderful Thanksgiving...our first one as a married couple! We spent a pretty fabulous day with my dad, stepmom, stepdad, and siblings on a farm out in Pennsylvania. Despite a few wrong turns on the way out there (courtesy of me) we got there and had plenty of time to enjoy everything. My sisters cooked an amazing meal and it was really special to be there with all of them. It's the first time I ever remember spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and it was so great. I think one of my favorite moments of the day was when we went around the circle and all said what we're thankful for, and my little brother was thankful for "Star Wars Guys." Haha, little kids are too cute. Geoff got to chop some wood and we both got to ride horses! It was one of my favorite Thanksgivings ever. Geoff had a really great time as well, which was fun for me to see. It's one thing to hang out with each others families because we have to, and quite another to truly enjoy it. But Geoff said it was one of the best Thanksgiving days he's ever had, too!

There was one gap in the day, which was not having my mom there. And she's pretty much the most special person ever...because she spent her whole Thanksgiving being completely selfless and spending the day visiting relatives and friends in the hospital. I love my mom. I hope one day I can be as giving as she is, and be willing to put so many other people before myself on a daily basis. I'm hoping some of her has rubbed off on me already and that more continues to.

Life has been busy and different for us lately. We're still not good at not seeing each other and it's hard to adjust to our new busy life. Work has also gotten busier for both of us (especially poor Geoff--he worked a fourteen hour shift on black friday!!) but we're excited for Christmas. Hopefully this week we'll be getting our first Christmas tree and get to decorate together. I can't wait!

The biggest thing I'm thankful for this year is my husband, who continues to amaze me with how much and how well he loves me. Whether it's cute little things like going to get my favorite frozen yogurt or bigger things like knowing just how to encourage me on a bad day, or going out of his way to serve me even when it means sacrifice; he loves me in a million ways that surprise me every day. We also have both been so blessed in the past few weeks to develop a really amazing group of friends. We've been lucky to have a lot of good friends, and even a lot of couple friends, but now we've sort of morphed into a few couples that get along phenomenally well, are all Christians, all have the same sense of humor and have an absolute blast together. It's been a prayer of ours since before we even got married and it's really cool to see how God has seen fit to answer that prayer.

Wow...life got insane pretty quickly here at the Wards....

Geoff began school a few weeks ago, and I'm still in my training class, which now puts one of us out the house 4 nights a week. Combine that with another night for small group, a daily trip to the gym, a few hang outs with friends, a week of house sitting, and the beginning of holiday life in retail and you're left with 2 very sleepy people. We also miss each other a lot, since we haven't gotten to spend much solid, uninterrupted time together lately. Luckily, next week settles down a tiny bit, we're back in our own house and not running back and forth when we were house sitting. And both of us are REALLY looking forward to Thanksgiving this year--for the first time I can ever remember, I'll be spending Thanksgiving with my Dad and stepmom and siblings. Plus, we get to go to a farm and ride horses (which Geoff is thrilled about.) It's going to be a really great day.

I've discovered in the past few weeks what I think people mean when they say "the first year is the hardest." I don't think it's true. But I do think that the hardest part is learning how to establish ourselves as our own family graciously, firmly, and without causing tension. Holiday family issues are difficult, perhaps even more so when everyone lives close together, and mine are even more complicated because of step parents, a sick grandmother, etc. It's going to be hard for Geoff and I to come up with a way to be fair, have fun, and enjoy the day fully with both our families. While I'm confident this will happen, I also know it will be trial and error. And perhaps this year will be error. But I hope not!

Work is going so well for me right now. I LOVE my staff. They are amazing and work so well together and are an amazing support for me as a new manager. It's been getting way busier already which is great.

I was really planning on typing more but I got too sleepy. Time to throw on some crock pot oatmeal for the morning and wait for hubby to come home from work...