The One With a Sam Update

Sam turned 4 months old last week. Sometimes people hear that and say, "FOUR MONTHS?? Wow! That just flew by, didn't it?" Usually I smile and nod. Sometimes I give the obligatory response "Yup! He's just growing so fast!" What I'm saying in my head is, "Really? That's interesting, because actually, this has been the longest 4 months of my whole entire life." Being a mom is hard. And exhausting. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...but flying by? Nope.

His appointment went fabulously though. Basically we went in expecting to hear that all of his development was on a 3-month level. Premature babies usually develop according to their gestational age, not their actual age, so Sam would be totally fine if he were developing 5 weeks behind. We were excited though, because while his motor skills are right on a 3 month level, his cognitive skills have caught up to a 4 month old! He looks wonderful and healthy and has gained a good amount of weight--up to the 35th% percentile! We're really proud of him. Right now his favorite things are cooing, smiling, and sitting back on the couch while someone talks to him. He is starting to enjoy bathtime more and more and we've established a good nighttime routine. Bedtime is 7pm and he is sleeping about a 9 hour stretch every night before eating once and going back down until 7a. He is a really high maintenance baby and usually isn't happy unless he's being held, although he is getting used to sitting in his exercauser for a few minutes at a time. He rolled over for the first time a few weeks ago from front to back, but he can't roll himself back yet, so sometimes he gets himself stuck! All in all, we're having more fun as each day goes by and we enjoy seeing his little personality emerge more and more. So far, I'd describe him as difficult, stubborn, and hilarious--which surprisingly enough were exactly the characteristics he had in the womb!

Being parents has been challenging and wonderful. It's made Geoff and I communicate more and differently than we ever had to before, and we've gotten to show each other support and love in more tangible ways than ever before. Geoff has been an amazing and hands-on dad. He does almost all the night feedings and is home by himself with Sam at least one day a week plus about 4 mornings a week. Sam loves to talk and babble to us, which is the best part about coming home from a long day. Sometimes balancing our jobs, the house, each other, and Sam is a lot, but his little smile makes every day worth it, and we've been so lucky to have so much support from family and friends. I'm really looking forward to the journey continuing!

The One With Sam's Birth Story: Part Three

So we're at Wednesday, December 9 (which happens to be Sam's birthday, so don't worry--the story can't go on much longer!!) My midwife came into the hospital at about 7am to check the progress I'd made overnight and to break my water. She needed me to be at about 3cm to be able to break the bag, and I was just under that. She thought she could still do it though, so she tried, and it worked! Up until then my contractions hadn't been too uncomfortable, but once my water was broken they started to get more intense.

Around noon I was still contracting regularly and couldn't sleep through them, so my midwife suggested I take some medicine to take the edge off and be able to take a nap. I wasn't sure--I'd still been wondering if I might be able to do this naturally even though things were going differently than I'd planned. I asked my midwife what she thought would be the outcome of my attempts to labor without the use of drugs. I knew I could trust her to be honest, because she works at a birth center that strongly encourages drug free labors whenever they can, and whenever it is best for mom & baby. She said that she honestly felt my labor would end up going better with an epidural. Because I was so early, my body hadn't begun going through msot of the changes it would begin to make in the weeks prior to a full term delivery. The pitocin was basically working against my body, and there was little chance I'd be able to relax enough to let my body get where it needed to be. We discussed various options, and I ended up deciding I'd take the drugs to help me sleep, but try to progress as far as I could before taking the epidural. So, I took stadol, and ended up NOT being able to sleep very much, but at least relaxed a little bit. I'd sent Geoff home to get a few things we hadn't brought with us, and by 3pm my contractions were MUCH more intense. My midwife helped me onto a birthing ball to help me work through some of the pain, but after about a minute my blood pressure shot up even higher, so I was back in the bed. Laying flat on my back was NOT a fun way to deal with contractions, but I kept pushing through. At around 530p, my midwife wanted to check me again. I'd been contracting at this point for nearly 24 hours, pretty intensely for a few hours. I was anxious to hear how things were going. She checked me...and held up 4 fingers. FOUR. I'd been just about 3cm at 7am, and now it's 530p and I've gone ONE STINKING CENTIMETER. I was so frustrated and tired, and I immediately said I was ready for my epidural. I got it at around 630p, and as soon as I got it, everything started going faster! My contractions were stronger and faster (and I couldn't feel a thing!) Around 8p, my new nurse for the night came in. I was starting to feel more pressure with the contractions, and she asked if I thought I'd need to push soon. I said, "Oh no, I think I'm good. Take your time." So she left to get everything she needed to help deliver the baby. The very second the door closed behind her, I was suddenly like 'WAIT! I need to push!!" Haha, it happened so fast! Everyone started scrambling to get things ready, and by 845p I was ready to start!

Pushing was by far the most frustrating parts of labor. It ended up taking about an hour (which I realize isn't really long, comparatively. But when I was doing it, it felt like FOREEEEEVER!) Every time I finished a push, my midwife was so encouraging and would say "Great job! You're doing so well!" And I would respond, "Then WHERE is my baby?? WHY WON'T HE COME OUT??" Finally at about 945 she called the NICU team which I knew meant he was coming out soon! Because he was so early, the NICU team had to be there to make sure he was ok and didn't need any immediate help. (I should also mention there were 2 nurses, my midwife, and my mom and Geoff, making the grand total 9 people watching me push this kid out...) Finally at 9:52pm, little Sammy made his entrance!! He came out pink and screaming and got to come right to me! I looked at his little face and was just SOO relieved and happy to see him. I was thrilled to hear that he was doing fantastic and got a 9/9 on his Apgars. He weighed 5lbs, 11oz and was 18.5 inches long. He had brown hair that was a little curly and a cute little nose. He was such a skinny little thing--needed some more time to fatten up!! But after 3 weeks of back and forth and hospital visits, we were just so thankful to have him safe and sound with us.

Everyone that reads this probably already knows that this isn't the end of the story and I'm going to keep going with the story to include his next hospital stay. But, for now, this story ends with our family of 3, happy and together and healthy! And that's Sam's birth story :)

The One With Sam's Birth Story: Part Two

So. We're at the Monday before Thanksgiving. Just found out I won't be having a c-section at 32 weeks. We went to sleep for the night, and the next morning found out my blood pressure was still too high to go home. This continued through Wednesday evening, when they decided that not much was being done to help me at the hospital, and I still wasn't sick enough to cause them to take the baby out, so I might as well do bedrest at home. The way it was described to me by a doctor was "Well, we're kind of playing a game of chicken. You're sick, and the baby isn't old enough to come out. We'll keep playing with the balance." Pretty much we were just waiting for me to get sick enough to need the baby to come out.

I'd love to tell you I spent the time hoping Sam would stay put and handled it all really well, but I didn't. This whole time was extremely frustrating for me. I was off work, wasting my maternity leave, not having a baby, spending loads on hospital bills, etc. I was so ready to be done with all the back and forth. Plus, I wasn't feeling well. I went home the night before Thanksgiving, and ended up back in the hospital again on Friday night for the same issues. Went home that weekend, and this all continued for the next two weeks. I got sent to the hospital after every appointment because my blood pressure would skyrocket. At 35 weeks, I got sent to a Fetal Medicine center to get a high level ultrasound and talk to a high risk doctor. While we were there (this was a Monday afternoon) my blood pressure spiked again, and the doctor took one look at me, and got me an immediate room at the hospital and sent me there with these words "You are NOT leaving the hospital until you are holding a baby."

By this time, I was SO ready. But also so tired of the back and forth. I'd been told SO many times that my baby was going to be out "soon" only to be sent back home that I stopped believing everyone. And sure enough, a few hours after being admitted, a different doctor decided I could go back home. I started to meltdown a little, then another nurse came in and said, "Hold on. You're not going anywhere. We've got to get this baby out." Then...she walked out. Um, hello? What? Please. Explain. Something. ANYTHING. Finally I saw the familar face of one of my favorite midwives walk in. I looked up at him pitifully and said, "David? Can you please get this baby out of me?" To my surprise, he said, "Yup! We're going to." He explained that the platelets had dropped again, which combined with my blood pressures, convinced them that it wasn't safe for me to remain pregnant. The plan was to induce me and hopefully let me deliver the baby without needed a c-section. The only problem is, at 35 weeks, my body wasn't quite ready for everything that was about to happen. Luckily, there was already some effacement and Sam had dropped, but my cervix wasn't ready at all. They decided to take things as slow as they felt comfortable with so that I had the best shot of delivering him naturally. That night I got some ripening gel and they started a VERY slow pitocin drip. I was supposed to get another batch of gel before bedtime, but luckily my contractions had already become so regular I didn't need it! They upped my pitocin and gave me some medicine to help me sleep for the big day ahead. I had contractions through the night but slept through them (sort of!) and woke early the next morning. It was really weird to have been through so much back and forth and know that this was FINALLY it. (My midwife laughed at me bc I asked after the gel if they could "take back the induction." I just still wasn't convinced they were going to let me have this baby!!)

I spent that night being really nervous about the next day. I'd had so many plans and goals for my birth experience, and so far nothing was going like I'd planned. I was nervous about labor and delivery, nervous about Sam's health with being early, nervous about the induction failing and needing a c-section, nervous about EVERYTHING. But when I got up the next morning, I was just ready to get things started.

Also, this story is taking way longer than I thought!! Haha, he hasn't even been born yet and I feel like this story has gone on forever. But, oh well. I bet one day he will love reading about the story of his coming into the world! Stay tuned for part three :)

The One With Sam's Birth Story: Part One

So, I'd these grand plans of writing Sam's birth story right after he was born. It was going to be a lovely story of my journey through natural childbirth, with pictures of the drug-free birthing center. You'd have been awed at my pain-management skills and congratulated me on getting through labor with no assistance. I would then tell you all about how great breastfeeding was and how it's always the best thing for the baby. It was going to be an award winning piece of work. The only problem is, if I still told you that story, it would be an award winning work of fiction. So instead, though it's 4 months late, here's Sammy's real entrance into the world story! Or at least part one :)

I guess the story officially started at 32 weeks. It was a crazy insane week of work for me--the holiday launch, which is always one of the busiest and most challenging weeks of the year. We transform the store into winter wonderland, and this all happens overnight. I had planned on my assistant running the setup and work the overnight shift, but then he got moved to another store and there was no one else to do it. So I ended up doing it myself, plus working some crazy shifts other days that week. My 32 week appointment was on Wednesday night that week, and I'd been feeling a little funny but just blamed it on being tired from not sleeping and working so much. When I get to my appointments, I always weighed myself and then tested my urine for protein and glucose (both indicators of pregnancy complications.) Right away I noticed there was protein, but waited to see what the midwife would have to say. We sat and chatted for a few minutes and then she took my blood pressure. I could tell right away something was wrong, and she was pretty concerned. She wanted me to do some further testing and come back on Friday morning for a follow-up appointment. I wasn't allowed to work for the remainder of the week and was on strict bedrest until the follow up. I was immediately really scared of getting put on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy--if I had begun my leave at 32 weeks, I would have had to come back when the baby was only 6 weeks old, and I was planning on having a full 12 at home with him.

So, home we went. I tried to relax and take it easy, but Friday didn't go well. I was put on bedrest indefinitely, was told I was not allowed to work anymore, and had to go for more labs and testing. Most everything seemed to be holding ok, so they weren't super scared and sent me home for the weekend and told me to come back Monday (which was also the week of Thanksgiving.) I had some meltdowns over being put on bedrest, but also started to get nervous that the baby would need to come sooner than he was ready. I spent the weekend resting as much as possible and Geoff was wonderful at taking care of me! Our families and friends pitched in, too. On Monday, we got to my appointment, and my midwife took my blood pressure first thing. He immediately sent us to the hospital. They were suspecting preeclampsia and knew that it could all go downhill quickly. So, I got to the hospital and my blood pressure went back down and it seemed like we were going to get to go home shortly after. But then, my midwife came back in and said, "Well, we might be meeting a baby tonight." I was really scared because I knew at 32 weeks, my baby was NOT ready to come out! But the midwife explained that my platelet count had taken a pretty significant drop and if it continued to drop, I'd be having an emergency c-section that night. So, we got admitted and waited until midnight for another test that would determine if Sam was born that night or not. It was the longest few hours ever!! But around 1:30a, the doctor came in and said that we weren't having him that night!!

Well. That's part one. More will have to come later. :)

The One With the Letter

So, working full time and being a mom and having a new house is making blogging harder than I expected. I'm tryin, but it's just not happening. In any case, just thought I'd share this with you all. We had Sam's dedication at church a few Sundays ago, and we wrote him this letter. We will give it to him whenever he becomes a Christian, and it's a few of our prayers for him. Enjoy :)

Dear Sam,

Today you came to know the Lord as your personal savior. We are so proud of you and so excited for you as you embark on this journey to know God more personally. You are such a blessing to us and we could not be more proud of what a great young man you have become.

On December 9^th you changed our lives forever. During the time we waited to meet you, we imagined the person you would be. When the time finally came, you made a dramatic entrance, and our lives would never be the same. You came into this world just a tiny bundle of joy, and while you’ve experienced few milestones as we sit to write this letter, we are already thrilled with each thing you learn. Right now, we track your growth by ounces and inches—but we hope that you always know our deepest hopes for you are about the growth of your heart.

We pray that you will be a man of compassion—that you will look for those in need and reach out to help them. We pray you will have integrity—that in a world where the right thing is often the hard thing, you will have courage to make good choices, even when no one is looking. We pray for a heart of peace—that you will not be overwhelmed by challenges you face, but rest in the One who is holding you. We pray that you will be a good steward, and wisely use the gifts and talents that God has blessed you with. We pray for wisdom—that you will earnestly seek the will of God in your life and make your decisions thoughtfully.

Sometimes it is sad to think that you will have to grow up in a broken world. We know that in your life, you will face sadness, loss, grief, and pain. We cannot, as hard as we may try, protect you from these things. But we hope that you wake up every morning knowing that you are deeply loved—loved by your family, and loved by God. Our love isn’t perfect, and we know that we will fail you. But our greatest prayer is that we are constantly pointing you to the One who will never fail you, and the One who knew you before we even got to meet you. We are so thankful that you have chosen to make Him a part of your life and give your heart to Him. We love you more than we will ever be able to tell you, and we are so proud to call you our son.

Love, Dad and Mom

The One with All the Scheduling

So, I'm back to work. This is actually the start of my second week, and so far I am really enjoying it. I was SO nervous about going back and trying to balance work and mommy-hood and getting overwhelmed...but I am honestly loving it. I am totally and completely exhausted. But happy. I LOVE my coworkers so much--they are some of the funniest and most wonderful people I've ever met. They've truly made me look forward to every shift that I've worked and have made the hours fly by. I have a new boss, who I also think is phenomenal, and about a thousand times better than my old boss. Sammy has also been quite cooperative and has decided to sleep a lot more at night--including an EIGHT hour stretch last night. That's right. Eight hours. Then, he ate and slept for 4 more. Ohh, happy days. I love that little boy. I do miss him when I work, but it's so nice to come home to his smiley little face! And I like him more the more that he sleeps.

On that note, I would like to take a moment and toot the horn of BabyWise. I am fully aware that this is a somewhat controversial method, and I in no way am suggesting that this plan is good for all babies and all mommies--just tellin ya what worked for us!

I originally disliked the idea of scheduling my baby. It seemed kinda mean--like, if he wants to sleep, shouldn't he just be allowed to sleep? And if he feels like being awake, that's great, too! He'll figure it out.

Ha! Yeah, he figured it out all right. One night around 6 weeks, he was up almost the entire night, sleeping in chunks of less than an hour. The next day, I thought, "Forget this! I'm scheduling his little butt no matter what!" Basically, I thought, I'm bigger, stronger, and smarter than him. I should win this battle. So, scheduling we went. And it only took about 3 days before Sammy totally got his days and nights on track and began sleeping in larger chunks. He also is a much happier baby and enjoys his awake time a lot. I found that the schedule helped me know him better and figure out what he was looking for and how I could comfort him the best way.

I've pretty much become BabyWise' biggest fan. And so has my little well-rested baby boy :)

The One With Not Knowing Where to Begin

I've thought about updating this a billion times, but there's so much to say that I just couldn't bring myself to actually form all the thoughts into complete sentences. And you gotta cut me some slack...cuz I'm a mommy now :)

I went to my routine 32 week appointment and we found out I have high blood pressure and protein in my urine, indicating preeclampsia. Two weeks, 6 trips to Labor & Delivery, one 4 day hospital stay, one close call with a c-section, over 20 blood draws, and one visit to a high risk specialist later, we induced my labor at 35 weeks and I had my little baby boy! Samuel Brandon was born on December 9th, 2009 at 9:52p. He weighed 5 pounds, 10 ounces and was 18.5 inches long. Came out screaming and doing just great, 9/9 apgars, and came home with us less than 2 days later. Unfortunately, once we got home, our little man got very very sick and we had to take him back to the hospital, where we stayed for nearly 2 weeks. Thankfully, our little family got to come home on Christmas Eve together!!

So far being a mom has been the greatest, scariest, most exhausting, most wonderful thing in my entire life. Sam is doing much better now that we're home again, and is up to 6 pounds! He is doing pretty well with sleeping at night, at least sometimes, and is basically just our favorite thing ever! At some point, I'll have to get my birth story written down just so I don't forget it. But for now, I gotta sleep because he's sleeping! :)

The One With a Weekend Thought on Motherhood

I love my mom, a lot. She's really an amazing lady. She is generous, kind, funny, hardworking, and a lot of other things that I hope I picked up a little bit of from her (she's also slightly OCD and a clean freak--which, unfortunately and MUCH to her dismay, I did not inherit at all.) But mostly, she loves me. A lot. Not in a "my child can do no wrong" sort of way (my mom is also very honest!) but in a, "you're mine, so never forget how special you are" kind of way. When I was growing up, it was just me and her for the most part, and I never felt like I was missing out (luckily, I did get to see my dad on weekends, so I still had the father figure. Not saying he was absent. Just that the majority of my life growing up was the 2 of us.) My mom worked a full time job--I have no idea what hours she worked. The reason for this is that I have absolutely no recollection of her ever being gone. I cannot recall a single soccer game, tee-ball game, softball game, gymnastics practice, school concert, school field trip, or any other significant event that she wasn't there for. I don't remember ever remember going to bed being tucked in by anyone besides my mom. I remember playing Barbies on the floor (actually playing together. Not me playing and her watching.) I remember sitting in the sandbox together. I remember playing with my dollhouse, singing our Steve Green bible verse songs, dancing to Wee Wing videos, having popcorn with Full House, back when it was a new and exciting show. I remember a home cooked meal nearly every night, and I remember having fish, hamsters, and kittens all during my growing up years. I'm sure there were things she had to miss; I know there were lots of friends and family who pitched in and made my life a wonderful thing. I know that I always had the same clothes all my friends did (and that I was proud my mom knew how to find the same clothes at yard sales instead of department stores!) and I never missed an after school event, summer camp, or youth group trip no matter what the cost was. I didn't notice then that my mom never bought herself new clothes. I probably didn't pay attention to all the things I had, and all the things she did without--probably because she has never brought attention to them. She has never grumbled about the sacrifice it was to put me through an expensive private school because she wanted me to have the best education possible. She's never once reminded me, or even mentioned a single time, the hard times she must have had as a single mother. Rather, she has told me every single day for my entire existence, how loved I am.

My mom told me once that one of the trademarks of people who are truly happy is that every truly happy person knows that they are someone's favorite. The morning of my wedding, she told me I should be the happiest person in the world, because all my life I had been her favorite, and now I was someone else's as well. And how right she is. I never even thought I'd understand how much my mom loves me. But the closer I get to meeting this sweet baby boy thats growing inside me, the more it inspires me to love this child with everything I have.

This week when I was on vacation, I thought I might have a lot of those "this is the last time I'll get to do ::fill in the blank:: before Sam comes!" since it was most likely my last trip without a baby in tow for awhile. Instead, I found myself anxiously awaiting his arrival so I can show him the world. A seagull walked up to my chair and I thought "Wow, Sam would LOVE if a bird came this close to him!" We walked the boardwalk and I thought "Look at that boy playing the arcade games! In a few years, I will get to play them with Sam!" When I was wiggling my toes in the sand I thought, "I wonder what Sam will think of the sand? I guess he will eat it..." Everything I experience now I want to share with him, and I get more excited by the day to meet him and love him in person.

I thought the other day "Man, I should try to think of SOMETHING besides pregnancy to write about on my blog or facebook" but then I realized--for 24 years, my mom has been my mom. I wonder how many times she's been referred to as "Ashley's Mom" instead of by her name. And it makes me smile to think that now, I am "Sam's Mom." My husband is "Sam's Dad." We are beginning a whole new phase of life, and I am thrilled to have been loved so well so that I can pass that onto my son.

And maybe somewhere along the way I'll pick up a little of the cleaning skills, too :)

(For more Weekend Thoughts, check out Life at the Circus)

The One Where I Finally Give Ultrasound Details

So, Cape Cod trip came and went; days of work came and went...what I thought would surely be the longest 2 weeks of my life waiting for our ultrasound actually flew by pretty quickly. So on Thursday the 20th, we woke up early for our 8am appointment, I drank my orange juice to wake Nugget up, and we went to the office. Unfortunately, due to a mixup with their office and my doctor and my referral, they told us we couldn't be scanned until my doctor faxed over a new form. Um, it's 8am, and his office doesn't open til 9am, so that meant a new appointment. It also meant that I had a complete and total meltdown (you know, the kind ONLY a pregnant woman can have) in the middle of Advanced Radiology. Not a fun way to start the morning, to say the least. Luckily, they had an appointment that same day later in the afternoon, so I came home and went back to bed until it was time to leave.

When we finally got into the room, our tech was SOOO much nicer! First, she had a little stool for Geoff to sit on (our last tech shrugged and said, "Um, you stand in the corner.") She asked us a few questions about our last appointment, and then we got going! She put the thing on my stomach, and lo and behold, we had a set of spread eagle legs!!! Haha, our tech laughed and said "Well....there's definitely a baby in there--and he is DEFINITELY a boy!!!" Literally, he showed off his goods in the first 3 seconds of our appointment. We've not been shy about our preference for a boy, so needless to say, we were THRILLED! Geoff lept off his stool and pumped his fists in the air, and also yelled "WE WIN!!!" It was SO funny. The thing is, we both thought it was a boy. And we both wanted a boy. So we kinda figured there was no way it would actually be a boy, haha!

Turns out though, Nugget really wanted to be stubborn again. Right after showing us his legs, he wiggled down to the bottom of my uterus and proceeded to press himself as tightly as possible against the uterine wall. My uterus is about even with my belly button right now. Nugget camped out behind my pubic bone for the rest of the ultrasound. There was NOTHING we could do to make him wiggle back up. Our tech was cracking up, because at one point, he just sat down on my cervix and was completely still. Fortunately, she was great at working with him, and got all but one of the measurements we needed.

His name is Samuel Brandon. Mostly we just love the name Sam--we didn't choose it for a particular meaning. However, there are several meanings floating about--the one I love for our baby boy is "God has heard" or "God has answered." His middle name is after my cousin Brandon, who died almost 4 years ago at 20 years of age. I can't wait to be able to share his name with my son.

Sam STILL favors the very bottom half of my uterus. Like, he hasn't ventured anywhere near the top of it. At least not that I can feel. It was really funny the other day at work I was feeling him kick like crazy, so I told one of the girls that I work with. She came right over, stuck her hand on my belly and said, "Maybe I can feel!" I looked back and said "Sure you can. Just move your hand about 8 inches south...." Haha, needless to say, she lost interest at that point! Geoff's gotten to feel though--right in the middle of church! When I sit for too long, Sam gets peeved that I'm invading his space and wiggles up as if to announce that he's still in there. He said hi to Dad, then wiggled back down. And down he remains. Silly kid. I just love him :)