The One With All the New Pants

So, today I went back to the gym for the first time since before I got put on bedrest at the end of my pregnancy. It's been nearly 3 months--the longest I've ever been away. And it was fabulous. Granted, probably not my best trip ever. I haven't shaved my legs since my 6 week post partum checkup (don't judge. I have a newborn, ok?), so I was wearing a pair of too-big sweatpants that tried to fall down while I ran. I was a little disoriented and lacking in decisiveness, so I wandered back and forth between machines wasting time a lot. And after about 25 minutes when I was tired, I just stopped and decided to come back home. But still--great trip.

I've been thinking lately though--having a baby was the absolute best thing that ever happened to my body image. If you'd asked me a year ago right before I got pregnant, I'd have told you I would be freaking out about the amount of weight I'd gain, about my hips spreading, about my abs disappearing and leaving behind stretch marks. But oddly enough, I am not. Being pregnant made me not care so much. In the past few years, I've had many a struggle with my body image. The way I've outwardly handled my [sometimes real, sometimes perceived] weight issues has sometimes been healthy; sometimes unhealthy. I've used disordered eating to drop pounds, and I've successfully and healthfully cut calories to lose a little excess. But I don't know if I could tell you a time in the past 4 years when inwardly my body image has been healthy or positive. So as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I got a little nervous. But as quickly as it came, it left. Now granted, first trimester I didn't have to think much about it, since I dropped a bunch of weight because of puking everything up. But once the pounds came, they came quickly. And for some reason, standing on the scale thinking "This is the lowest number I will see for the next few months" was incredibly freeing. So was the knowledge that I had no choice but to choose a healthy lifestyle and eating habits, because I was now responsible for growing another human being. When the first stretch marks popped up, I prepared myself for the inevitable freak out...and it never came. Nor did it come when 876 other stretch marks followed after that. (I am not kidding. The other day, Geoff says "Sometimes it kind of looks like your belly is on fire--it looks like there's flames everywhere!!" Don't worry--he wasn't being mean, and I wasn't offended at all. He was kidding, and it made me laugh, and he tells me every day how beautiful I am :))

I'm finding myself instead embracing the idea that my life is entirely consumed now with someone else besides myself. And that the time and energy I used to put into my attempts to lose weight or fix something is now put into the daily tasks that involve caring for my son. Life seems so much more meaningful. And, ironically, I feel much more beautiful. I'm not perfect--the first time I went shopping for new jeans, I left empty handed because I refused to buy jeans in my new size even though I found some that fit perfectly (you all know you've done it...) But, I am sitting here tonight typing in a pair of jeans 4 sizes bigger than my pre-pregnancy jeans, and I don't care, so I finally bought them. The cute polka dot bikini I wore last summer will never see the light of day again, but you know what? Next time I go swimming, I'm going to be dragging a bag full of SPF 982, Little Swimmies, floating devices, beach toys, and toting along a little boy. And I'm his mom, and I might have the kangaroo pouch that he used to live in forever on my abdomen. But whatevs. He's totally worth it. And I totally have more important things to think about now. So now, I get to go to the gym to be healthy and for fun--not to meet a certain caloric burn. I'm excited to embrace the new stage of my life, and the freedom it brings. I need to purchase a lot of new clothes, but whatevs :) All part of the fun!

The One With the Non-New-Years Resolution

Sooo, I'm bad at blogging. I decided to make a not-quite-new-year resolution...so since it's February 1, this will be when I become a more regular blogger. I think one of the great things about blogging is that it's an easy way to document memories with a minimal amount of effort. Try as I may, I will never be a scrapbooker. I have great intentions...and I have lots of supplies (from my 6 or so times in my life where I've determined that I AM a scrapbooker, and gone out and wasted money on lots of cute paper and stickers, only to put them all in a giant rubbermaid box in my basement) but I still have only 3 pages of my entire life scrapbooked. I think I should just accept that I'm not going to do it, and move on. Blogging though--way less messy, I don't have to go down the stairs, I don't have to buy anything from Michael's to make it look good, and I don't even have to print off pictures. It's scrapbooking for the lazy and uncreative. Brilliant.

The One With Not Knowing Where to Begin

I've thought about updating this a billion times, but there's so much to say that I just couldn't bring myself to actually form all the thoughts into complete sentences. And you gotta cut me some slack...cuz I'm a mommy now :)

I went to my routine 32 week appointment and we found out I have high blood pressure and protein in my urine, indicating preeclampsia. Two weeks, 6 trips to Labor & Delivery, one 4 day hospital stay, one close call with a c-section, over 20 blood draws, and one visit to a high risk specialist later, we induced my labor at 35 weeks and I had my little baby boy! Samuel Brandon was born on December 9th, 2009 at 9:52p. He weighed 5 pounds, 10 ounces and was 18.5 inches long. Came out screaming and doing just great, 9/9 apgars, and came home with us less than 2 days later. Unfortunately, once we got home, our little man got very very sick and we had to take him back to the hospital, where we stayed for nearly 2 weeks. Thankfully, our little family got to come home on Christmas Eve together!!

So far being a mom has been the greatest, scariest, most exhausting, most wonderful thing in my entire life. Sam is doing much better now that we're home again, and is up to 6 pounds! He is doing pretty well with sleeping at night, at least sometimes, and is basically just our favorite thing ever! At some point, I'll have to get my birth story written down just so I don't forget it. But for now, I gotta sleep because he's sleeping! :)

The One With...Um, I don't know

So, much has happened in the past month, plus we've been internet-less, so pardon my absence. I'm feeling super tired, and a little blah, so I'm just runnin through the highlights...

--We closed on our house on October 30th. It is beautiful and amazing and wonderful and my family, especially my mom, has helped us unpack and get things organized. It's been wonderful.

--We still have a billion things to do before Sammy is born. We need to put up a wall so I can do his nursery, organize our basement, decorate the living room, and various other unpacking things. If I think of all this for too long, I cry. So we don't do that much. I just pretend he isn't due in 8 weeks.

--I have selected a new birthplace...we're going to Special Beginnings in Arnold and are planning on a delivery at the birth center (provided Sam makes his entrance between 37 and 42 weeks and doesn't try to be breech.) Both Geoff and I are VERY comfortable with the idea of the center and are thrilled to be (hopefully) avoiding a hospital birth. For us it's a great option and so far we are loving the experience.

--My assistant at work got stolen. My boss decided he needed to "borrow" him until Christmas, basically, so I'm a little bummed at this turn of events. Running a Starbucks Holiday while being hugely pregnant is not on my list of fun things to do. But, the 12 weeks I'll have off snuggling my baby boy should make up for it.

--I'm getting uncomfortable. Please don't tell me how much worse it gets. I am aware that Sam will most likely be doubling his weight between now and birth, and that I'm going to get a lot bigger and more uncomfortable, but that's also on my list of things not to think about. Most of the time I do ok, but certain positions that Sam likes to find himself in are NOT conducive to his mommy's extremely short torso. The boy does not know what the fetal position is. We've got superman down pretty good though. He also doesn't know what head down position is, so hopefully he'll find that this month. He's still got plenty of time to figure out where he belongs.

Nothing much else to report at the time being. Life is good. I love my house, my family, my husband, my baby, and occasionally even my job. I also love that I'm about to go to bed.

The One With My Lack of Packing

Soo, if you were due to have a baby in about 12 weeks, and you knew you were moving in about 3 weeks, would you be packing like crazy and and cleaning, getting ready for the big day? If you answered yes, please come over to my apartment. Right now. Because I'm watching a Friends DVD, tearing store bought biscuit dough into pieces and throwing it into my crock pot so I can call them "dumplings" and researching places to give birth.

Wait, what? I'm about into my third trimester. Shouldn't I know where I'm giving birth? Why, yes. I should. Let's talk about that.

I love my doctor. I really, really, really love him. He's wonderful. But he works in a gross hospital. Maybe it's not actually gross, but it feels gross. And the people aren't that nice. And it's in the city, and so are rats. I don't like cities, or rats, or family waiting rooms where the lampshades have been hacked up with pocket knives. So I was willing to sacrifice all of my own comfort (as well as the money it costs to PARK. when you're a patient. I won't ever not be bitter about that. Do you understand what I'm going in there to do? And you're going to CHARGE me to leave my car here?) because I love my doctor so much. Then, I started hearing about what doctors actually do in labor...that is, catch the baby on his way out. I'm tellin you what, by the time I'm dilated, and pushing, I couldn't care less who is on the other end of the bed to catch him. Whoever, whatever. So, I would like to not be in that gross hospital. This means, though, that I have to change doctors. At this point, that's ok with me...I feel very nervous and uncomfortable when I think about giving birth at Mercy, and I feel not scared and anxious when I think about giving birth somewhere else. That, to me, says more than enough.

So, now I need to figure out what I'm doing. I think my first choice right now is going through a birth center midwife at the hospital in Annapolis. I'm going to take a tour there soon. Second choice is the new maternity ward at Baltimore Washington and we're taking a tour there this weekend. So, we'll see. Nothing like making decisions last minute!! Also, my glucose test is next week...ohhhh joy.

In other news, house things are progressing. We don't actually close the 7th...we have to close BY the 7th. And we close as soon as our paperwork goes through. Like, potentially by the end of this month. Yikes!

I for real should be packing.

Other things to do this month: paint something cool on my belly for Halloween.

The end.

The One with The House. Part 2.

Soo. It feels like it's been forever since Part One of our house story. But 5 weeks later, we are happy to report that on November 7th, we will be homeowners!!!

We are SO stinking excited! Our baby boy is going to have a house and a crib that will not be in our dining room. And I get to set up things, and get ready for him, and not have to move him as a 6 month old to a new apartment. We have a yard! And a driveway for him to learn to ride his little bike in. I can't wait to watch our little man grow up in the home we're going to make for him!

But uh, in case anyone was keeping track, November 7th is NOT very far away!! We have so much to do between now and then--packing, cleaning, painting our apartment AND new house, getting everything ready for settlement. We cannot wait to be in the house and settled--but the time before that is going to be crazy!!!

We also have one other thing we're looking for--we'd like to rent out 2 rooms in our house on the upper level (there is a bathroom up there, and we'd share the kitchen.) This will help us out a lot, especially since my maternity leave is only a few weeks paid, and I'd like to take more time at home with Sam (I'm hoping for the full 12 weeks) and a little extra income would make that happen. Does anyone know someone who is looking for a fairly priced room in Glen Burnie to rent out??

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers--we can't wait to show pictures of our new house!!

The One With Things NOT to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

First, let me assure you--my husband is wonderful, amazing, supportive, and I love him dearly. He has been phenomenal to go through pregnancy with, and I fall more in love and am more thankful for him every single day.

Ahem.

Actual conversation in our home yesterday.

"Hey, Ashley. Did you use two different machines today at the gym, or just the one?"

"I was just on the one treadmill the whole time. Why?"

"Oh. Well. From downstairs, I thought I saw you, but then I looked over at another machine, and that looked like you too. But then I realized I think it was actually just this fat old lady."

::Jaw Drop:: " WHY on EARTH would you tell me that story?? If you mistake me for a fat old lady, you keep it to yourself!!"

At this point, he realizes how ridiculous what he is saying is, both of us are laughing hysterically, and he says. "Look, you're my best friend. Can't you just be happy I tell you everything??" More laughing...and such is my life.

All this from a man who one night accidently called me "fat head." (I may or may not have referred to our unborn child as fat head first. But that's completely beside the point....)

I hope you all get to live with someone as funny as I do :D